Maybe – but I think that a lot of this is people realising that the global economic downturn is over! Everyone is all about making money right now, and so they’re planning how to spend it. I’ve seen a lot of funny Facebook statuses in the last week or so with questions about where people should go on their breaks – ‘Hawaii or Egypt?’ ‘London or New York’? I always leave a comment and tell them that they shouldn’t plan to go too far away – they might be dead by then. It usually causes a nice reaction.

Anyway, today’s funny updates are all nice little puns or ironic jokes. This type of witty Facebook update is perfect because it makes you laugh a little bit, and usually at other people’s expense. There’s nothin better than someone else being the fall guy!

Funny Facebook status updates

Funny Facebook status update number one – I hope you’re the same size

Example: Before you criticize someone, try to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, by the time you say something bad about them, you’re one mile away and they’ve got no shoes on.

I can’t stand people who tell me to walk in other people’s shoes. What the hell does it mean? It is usually said in response to a criticism or comment that I’ve made about someone – but who are they to assume that I haven’t taken their ’shoes’ (aka condition of their being) into consideration. Of course I have! I just want to criticize them! This Facebook update gives a great twist at the end – I would love to be able to steal the shoes (and pride) of the person I’m complaining about and then run off!

Funny Facebook status update number two – You’re (not) special

Example: Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

There was a time when Myspace was covered wall to wall with messages from people telling eachother how unique and special and nice they were. Admittedly this was from people who were generally around 15 years old and female, but it was one of the factors which led to Myspace’s downfall (the ridiculous amount of fluff and useless information) and Facebook’s rise (it seemed to be more ‘real’ and useful). I really want to use this funny Facebook status update on a few people’s walls today (or maybe I will reply to their comments with it) and see what they say – it’s the perfect rememedy to cutesy crap!

Funny Facebook status update number three – You can’t take it with you

Example: Where there’s a will, there are 500 relatives.

I love money, and I love free money. Ok, I’m not wishing anyone ill health, but still it’s a nice little bonus if a relative dies and you suddenly find that you never need to work again! That hasn’t happened to me yet, but I have a friend who once wrote on his Facebook status that he had won the lottery – he had a LOT of comments and sudden friend requests! It turned out he was a lying swine and he had done nothing of the sort, but it shows that when opportunity knocks, there are usually a LOT of people who are willing to open the door for him (on your behalf).

Funny Facebook status update number four – ‘Lazy’ means ‘win’ in French

Example: They say hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance?

I am firmly of the opinion that China will overtake America as the #1 developed nation within fifteen years. Why? It’s not because of superior intellect, or superior products (hell no), it’s because the Chinese work ethic is insane. They work hard, all the time, all day. Heads down, do the job, finish the job, go home, sleep, do the same thing again the next day. If you put 1000 Chinese people in the USA and told them to work, in five years at least 5000 would be millionaires. I, on the other hand, would certainly be in the other 500 who decided to quit my job and go and sit on the beach. It’s not a bad life, and there’s no stress involved. No need to take a chance, is there?

Funny Facebook status update number five – Be careful with your head

Example: I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Having an open mind is a real buzzword at the moment, and it really doesn’t mean anything except ‘you should think the way I think’. Which is stupid. Think in your own way! It’s not about having an open or closed mind (and when it comes to Facebook statuses, there is nothing in the TOS about having an ‘open mind’, that’s for sure). Write from your heart, and if you don’t have one then write from your brain! And if you don’t have one, go back to sleep.

Funny Facebook status update number six – The sad truth

Example: When you’re right, nobody remembers. When you’re wrong, nobody forgets.

I made a stupid comment in one of my first meetings in my new job. I was full of energy and enthusiasm, and I wanted to make a good first impression on my new bosses and colleagues. I didn’t know anything about the business that I had just started working in, and I believe what I did was fall into a newbie trap – one which they have constantly reminded me of throughout my time in the organization. Since then, of course, I have made a huge amount of money for the company, but nobody cares about that! They just remember my faults. It reminds me about the person who updated his Facbeook status on the first day of work with a message that said something like ‘This new job is easy!’ – his boss read it and doubled his workload. We live and learn!

Ok, that’s your bumper crop of Funny Facebook status updates for today – I hope you enjoyed them and if you have any more that you’d like to share, why not leave them in the comments! We’d love to get your feedback.

This list of the funniest Facebook statuses consists mainly of puns – a play on words which makes people think one thing but actually it means quite the opposite. Puns play a huge role in comedy on TV (well the type of comedy I like) and when you see these little snippets in people’s Facebook status message it always makes you laugh! Check them out:

What are the funniest Facebook statuses of all time?

Funniest status update 1 – Naughty but nice

Example: I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

I obviously can’t comment on the truth behind this statement, but it’s always funny to see a logic flaw mixed in with something a little naughty or racy! It’s much more interesting and fun to make someone laugh with your funny Facebook status than be completely direct and crude.

Funniest status update 2 – Keep it really mixed

Example: A closed mouth gathers no foot.

I didn’t study English at University (or at any point in my life past kindergarten), so I do not profess myself to be some kind of grammatical expert…however Facebook (and especially status messages) are the reason behind more people using mixed metaphors than ever before. I realize that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to who invented the idioms and sayings of the world, but every day it seems another user massacres the English language in a way that should never be allowed. This example takes their idiocy and highlights it – and makes a funny point too!

Funniest status update 3 – Naughty but naughty (well, not really!)

Example: Chastity is curable, if detected early.

This funny Facebook status reminds me of my days at High School, when we would try to trick people into saying something foolish and then laugh at them. I didn’t have many friends, as you can probably guess. Anyway, it’s a funny joke – and naughty Facebook statuses always get a lot of ‘likes’ and comments, so go for it!

Funniest status update 4 – Dirty tricks

Example: I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

This sort of joke leaves little room for imagination, although the three seconds it takes for people to work it out will mean that you can gloat (for a very limited period). It conjures up images of a fat, old mechanic in a redneck US town, making excuses for his shoddy work. Well it does to me, anyway.

Funniest status update 5 – Show your flaws!

Example: There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

The unfortunate truth about this is that I am one of the people in the third group. For real. If logic flaws make a good Facebook message, then this one is their king. I’ve seen this so many times that I’m starting to try to keep count of them just so that I can make a new website devoted to this Facebook status’s followers. We’ll see how it pans out.

Ok well, there are some of the greatest Facebook statuses of all time! As I said before, sometimes people ask me what is my favorite status of all time, and I tell them that one day I will reveal all – but suffice to say that it is not on this page (although these ones are all brilliant). I hope you enjoyed them anyway, and I look forward to you returning soon for more update message goodness! Don’t forget to add yourself to our RSS feed followers or leave a comment with your favourite Facebook statuses (and what you think should be included in the next list of the greatest Facebook statuses of all time!).

So I think we should look at some puns – witty Facebook status updates which will make people giggle when they read your status feed. These aren’t difficult to think up, and you can find lots of lists online. Here are some examples to get you started:

Funny Facebook status number 1 – The topical pun

Example: Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery

You know the little pink bunny from the Energizer commercials, right? The one who is always banging his drum and can bang his drum much much much longer than everyone else because of the power he has inside his back (those power cells really do last longer than the competition!). Well, battery also means ‘beating’ someone, and so it would be pretty funny if he were charged with that crime! It would also be funny if you put it as your Facebook status update.

Funny Facebook status number 2 – Tragic comedy

Example: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I must say I’m a big fan of black comedy and tragic jokes, and this one is one of the all time classics! There is nothing better (and no better way to make your Facebook friends and contacts laugh) than to evoke a feeling of sympathy (“Oh no! Your Grandfather died?” and then bring the comedy straight after (“WHAT?!? HE WAS DRIVING??!!”). It’s a foolproof way of making people giggle, and an hilarious Facebook status.

Funny Facebook status number 3 – Truism

Example: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

They say ‘ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer’ – but I don’t really believe this is true. Stupid people are given way too much of a pass in society today, and now you can use your funny Facebook status to stand up against their tyranny! Any sort of true statement which people will agree with (and if they don’t agree, you can safely assume that they themselves are one egg short of a picnic basket) makes a very funny Facebook status message.

Funny Facebook status number 4 – Medical joke #1

Example: I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Everyone needs to visit their doctor from time to time, and jokes about visiting the medicial practitioner are some of the oldest in the world (doctor, doctor!). This type, however, is the kind that will make people laugh out loud because of their reality and wit. As I’ve said before, any type of pun in a Facebook status makes people click ‘like’ very quickly (if they understand it), and it’s even better sometimes if they don’t understand it and then make dumb comments to make themselves look bad!

Funny Facebook status number 5 – Medical joke #2

Example: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

You should never look a gift-horse in the mouth (not even a trojan horse?!) – but some things should serve as a reminder to you in everyday life. If you go in to your local doctor’s surgery and the plants are dead, you don’t really want him operating on your abdomen or trying to give you some plastic surgery, do you? I didn’t think so. Better to do a check around before you sit down in the waiting room – and by passing this classic comedy advice on to your friends, you’re almost guaranteeing a response.

OK that’s all the funny Facebook statuses we have for now, remember keep checking back for more advice, ideas and tips from status update HQ! If you find a funny Facebook status that you want to share with us, write it in the comments!

A great philosopher (and good friend of mine) once said:

Small people talk about themselves, People talk about other people, Big people talk about ideas

…and this idea holds true for clever Facebook status updates. I have a lot of friends on Facebook, and the majority of them either don’t update their status themselves, or write about the deadliest of boring subjects. But the other 5% are the the ones with lots of ideas for Facebook status updates. These are the people who I follow closely.

Clever Facebook status

What type of person puts quotes by philosophers in their status update?

I would say the biggest demographic would be students, but there are also a number of ‘free thinkers’ who like to put thoughtful messages there too. I know a Doctor who specialises in treating Mesothelioma (a strange type of cancer) who puts a different quote from a different philosopher in his status every morning before work – now that’s dedication!

What are some examples of clever Facebook statuses?

Ok, let’s look at some examples of a clever Facebook status. They’re not complicated, but they can get quite deep – so I’m going to guide you through them. Get ready!

Clever Facebook status number 1: Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

At first, this one sounds like it doesn’t make sense. If you’re seeking the truth, surely that means that you don’t really know what you’re talking about? Isn’t that some sort of strange paradox? And doubt people who know the truth already? Sounds weird. If this were a philosophy class, I think we could probably dissect this statement for hours, but in terms of a clever Facebook status I think it’s trying to tell us that perhaps those people who claim to know it all, probably are the ones that should not be trusted. Just like I just told you how to interpret this quote. So watch out for me!

Clever Facebook status number 2: I am a part of all that I have met.

This quote is quite beautiful, and it speaks to the heart of human nature. We can learn from everyone we meet, every person that comes into our lives can affect us and holds knowledge within them that we can learn from and improve from.

Clever Facebook status number 3: The obscure we see eventually.  The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.

This feels a little bit like the old phrase ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’, but it seems like in a witty Facebook status context it’s trying to let you know that sometimes what might be totally obvious and is sitting right next to you all along, is sometimes difficult to work out. I once had this problem with Mathematics in High School, so I can relate completely to what they’re saying.

Clever Facebook status number 4: If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

Ah, the luck of the Irish! I guess if you find the lucky four-leaf clover, and you think it’s a three-leaf (or five-leaf, I guess) then you’re probably not going to be able to channel your new-found good luck into anything productive anyway. If you use this as your clever Facebook status, you might also deal with the number of stupid people on your Facebook friends list replying ‘what’s a four-leaf clover?’.

Clever Facebook status number 5: When the student is ready, the master appears.

Finally, one of my favourite Facebook statuses and what I think is a really good way to motivate people on all sorts of social networking sites. A lot of people have issues with enthusiasm in their work, especially motivation to get stuff done and not procrastinate. Ok, perhaps they shouldn’t be surfing on Facebook if they have trouble procrastinating, but still… So, when they read this message – that preparation is the key to finding the right path and to establishing a successful life – they will take it in their stride and run with it.

Ok, so the task was to find some clever Facebook statuses, and we did that. These ones will get you started, and I’ll be posting more and more as the days and weeks go on, so stay tuned! If you want to know which one I think is the best one…well…log on to read my clever Facebook status!