Posts Tagged ‘update’

Funny Facebook status updates

It’s been a few days since I’ve updated with the some funny Facebook status updates. The reason? I’m planning a holiday for next summer. It seems a little early to begin planning, but I’ve noticed that a huge number of my Facebook friends have started talking about their plans for next year already! Is it because they hate their lives and want time to pass more quickly?

Maybe – but I think that a lot of this is people realising that the global economic downturn is over! Everyone is all about making money right now, and so they’re planning how to spend it. I’ve seen a lot of funny Facebook statuses in the last week or so with questions about where people should go on their breaks – ‘Hawaii or Egypt?’ ‘London or New York’? I always leave a comment and tell them that they shouldn’t plan to go too far away – they might be dead by then. It usually causes a nice reaction.

Anyway, today’s funny updates are all nice little puns or ironic jokes. This type of witty Facebook update is perfect because it makes you laugh a little bit, and usually at other people’s expense. There’s nothin better than someone else being the fall guy!

Funny Facebook status updates

Funny Facebook status update number one – I hope you’re the same size

Example: Before you criticize someone, try to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, by the time you say something bad about them, you’re one mile away and they’ve got no shoes on.

I can’t stand people who tell me to walk in other people’s shoes. What the hell does it mean? It is usually said in response to a criticism or comment that I’ve made about someone – but who are they to assume that I haven’t taken their ‘shoes’ (aka condition of their being) into consideration. Of course I have! I just want to criticize them! This Facebook update gives a great twist at the end – I would love to be able to steal the shoes (and pride) of the person I’m complaining about and then run off!

Funny Facebook status update number two – You’re (not) special

Example: Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

There was a time when Myspace was covered wall to wall with messages from people telling eachother how unique and special and nice they were. Admittedly this was from people who were generally around 15 years old and female, but it was one of the factors which led to Myspace’s downfall (the ridiculous amount of fluff and useless information) and Facebook’s rise (it seemed to be more ‘real’ and useful). I really want to use this funny Facebook status update on a few people’s walls today (or maybe I will reply to their comments with it) and see what they say – it’s the perfect rememedy to cutesy crap!

Funny Facebook status update number three – You can’t take it with you

Example: Where there’s a will, there are 500 relatives.

I love money, and I love free money. Ok, I’m not wishing anyone ill health, but still it’s a nice little bonus if a relative dies and you suddenly find that you never need to work again! That hasn’t happened to me yet, but I have a friend who once wrote on his Facebook status that he had won the lottery – he had a LOT of comments and sudden friend requests! It turned out he was a lying swine and he had done nothing of the sort, but it shows that when opportunity knocks, there are usually a LOT of people who are willing to open the door for him (on your behalf).

Funny Facebook status update number four – ‘Lazy’ means ‘win’ in French

Example: They say hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance?

I am firmly of the opinion that China will overtake America as the #1 developed nation within fifteen years. Why? It’s not because of superior intellect, or superior products (hell no), it’s because the Chinese work ethic is insane. They work hard, all the time, all day. Heads down, do the job, finish the job, go home, sleep, do the same thing again the next day. If you put 1000 Chinese people in the USA and told them to work, in five years at least 5000 would be millionaires. I, on the other hand, would certainly be in the other 500 who decided to quit my job and go and sit on the beach. It’s not a bad life, and there’s no stress involved. No need to take a chance, is there?

Funny Facebook status update number five – Be careful with your head

Example: I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Having an open mind is a real buzzword at the moment, and it really doesn’t mean anything except ‘you should think the way I think’. Which is stupid. Think in your own way! It’s not about having an open or closed mind (and when it comes to Facebook statuses, there is nothing in the TOS about having an ‘open mind’, that’s for sure). Write from your heart, and if you don’t have one then write from your brain! And if you don’t have one, go back to sleep.

Funny Facebook status update number six – The sad truth

Example: When you’re right, nobody remembers. When you’re wrong, nobody forgets.

I made a stupid comment in one of my first meetings in my new job. I was full of energy and enthusiasm, and I wanted to make a good first impression on my new bosses and colleagues. I didn’t know anything about the business that I had just started working in, and I believe what I did was fall into a newbie trap – one which they have constantly reminded me of throughout my time in the organization. Since then, of course, I have made a huge amount of money for the company, but nobody cares about that! They just remember my faults. It reminds me about the person who updated his Facbeook status on the first day of work with a message that said something like ‘This new job is easy!’ – his boss read it and doubled his workload. We live and learn!

Ok, that’s your bumper crop of Funny Facebook status updates for today – I hope you enjoyed them and if you have any more that you’d like to share, why not leave them in the comments! We’d love to get your feedback.