Halloween was a huge deal in my house, because my parents didn’t really get into the swing of Easter and Christmas. Halloween, however, (one of the most manufactured of all of the public holidays (except maybe Valentine’s day)) was a time when they really let their hair down (well actually my mother let her hair down, my Dad was bald) and partied.

They would send us off into town on trick or treat missions to get as much candy, chocolate, sweets and snacks from unsuspecting neighbours as possible – and then they would confiscate it from us when we got back (but they always left us enough time to gorge ourselves stupid and nearly die of sugar shock). Anyway…

Halloween is a time to get together, and I’m sure you’ll be spending even more time on Facebook chat with your friends, so let’s get down to the status updates and ideas, shall we?

Halloween funny Facebook status ideas

Funny Facebook status idea number one: Remix the traditional

Example: Eat, drink and be scary.

Playing on one of the most popular Christmas phrases of all time, this topical Facebook status can get people chuckling to themselves as they carve out their pumpkins for jack o’lanterns (or whatever other preparations they happen to be doing). Just make sure you’re not the one who they’re coming to give the frights to!

Funny Facebook status idea number two: Family values

Example: A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

There were always certain people who we knew would never give us any treats on Halloween night. One of those was an old man whose wife had died years before, and he seemed to get grumpier every day of his existence. One night we went to his house and knocked on the door – “TRICK OR TREAT?!”. He opened up and shouted “I’ve got a treat for your asses!” and ran out chasing us with a baseball bat! Needless to say, his windows got a good coat of egg later that night.

Funny Facebook status idea number three: Scent of an (evil) woman

Example: Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.

Ladies, in this case, does not mean ‘the female of the species’ but more the ‘well refined women’ of the upper classes. What it means is, people who are haunted (and it seems people realize that they’re haunted a lot more around this time of year) usually are for a reason – and the reason is usually not a positive one!

Funny Facebook status idea number four: Haunting stuff

Example: They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folk.

Is it true that people who are born on Halloween night are bound to become vessels for the thoughts and messages of the spirit world? Probably not. But it’s always good to remind people who are born on that day that they are probably evil to the core and haunted. The least it will do is annoy them!

Funny Facebook status idea number five: Get funky

Example: HALLOWEEN! ☾☆☂☁☹☠☽

Ok, it’s not perfect, but all of these symbols can, in some way, be related to Halloween and the different practices within it. The skull and crossbones is probably the best MSN symbol to use at this time of year to really get people in the mood for witchcraft and the black arts. Try them out!

Well, that’s all the Facebook statuses you need for Halloween and maybe beyond. If you can think of any other funny Facebook status ideas for Halloween, let us know in the comments!

I was a little bit depressed yesterday, as my boss gave me two bits of news. Firstly, I would need to go abroad for a ‘training session’ for two weeks, which sounds nice (if you work near Mexico) but it actually will probably end up being me stuck in a hotel room for 5 nights playing on various social networks – my Facebook status will probably be updated about two hundred times per day! If you’re on my friends’ list, prepare for an onslaught!

Ok, on to the updates. Today I’ve got some amazing special characters for you to use in your funny Facebook status. These characters can not only be used on Facebook, but also Myspace, Twitter, Skype, Gchat and MSN (you can put it in your MSN name or status and really make your friends go crazy!). Each one has a description (as usual) to give you a few ideas on how and when to use them.

More funny Facebook statuses

Funny Facebook status number one – The aliens have landed!

Example: When you ಠ_ಠ at me I want to ಥ_ಥ !

These alien eyes are really amazing – they look like they can see into your mind and read your thoughts! There’s not a huge amount in my mind to read (luckily), but it sure makes for a cool Facebook status to use them in! The second set (the ‘crying’ eyes) look quite creepy actually – I’m considering pasting this message onto my brother’s wall (and I might change the Facebook message to something quite a bit ruder than this one!). Send this to your enemies or to your friends who you want to tease, they’ll comment on it and ‘like’ it straight away!

Funny Facebook status number two – The most relaxing Facebook away message ever?

Example: Gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>

There is nothing better to do on a weekend than grab your rod and head down to the local river or stream, take some beers and food and attempt to catch a few fish – and now you can tell everyone on your Facebook exactly where you’ve gone with this hilarious Facebook status. Just be sure that you take your smartphone or laptop (with 3g access) with you so that you can change your update message from the water!

Funny Facebook status number three – The king of pop’s obituary

Example: Michael Jackson’s life story: ☻ born ♔ of pop ☺ died

If you write about current events in your Facebook status, you are guaranteed that people will react to it. I once saw fifty comments on a Facebook wall post that someone had written shortly after the death of Michael Jackson, related to his ‘colourful’ lifestyle and affection for children. I don’t suggest that you copy that person and write some slanderous things in your Facebook status, but you can always say something about popular figures – they’re almost guaranteed to get some chat!

Funny Facebook status number four – Weather channel on Facebook!

Example: How’s the weather with you? It’s ☀ ☁ ☂ ☃ with me!

It has been a gorgeous, sunny day here in my home town, and the evening is still warm enough to sit outside. I’m not outside, of course, I’m inside typing this blog post – but I just wanted you to know that I made a conscious choice to be with you all! And what better thing to talk about than the weather? You can see that this Facebook status update has all of the potential for a great one, it includes some special weather characters and the kicker is that people can copy and paste them into their replies to your message = instant fame!

Funny Facebook status number three – Stormy seas ahead

Example: ☠ ☠ ☠ Pirates hijacked my Facebook status! ☠ ☠ ☠

Following on from the Michael Jackson Facebook status update, the other most talked about current event (around my dinner table at least) has been the Somalian pirates who seem to be hijacking everything they can get their hands on in the ocean at present. Why not let them hijack your update message too? Just make sure that none of your Facebook friends are from Somalia first – they might be offended!

Funny Facebook status number three – Keeping it (crazy) real

Example: ☢☢☢ Last night’s pictures have a biohazard warning! ☣☣☣

The final funny Facebook status of the day involves a little truism – always be careful about the photos that you post on Facebook as they have a habit of coming back to haunt you (especially if you have some overzealous friend tagging them all). Whenever you go out to a bar or club, make sure there is a one-camera policy, and that person knows that being a responsible uploader is a big undertaking, and they shouldn’t take it lightly!

Ok, enjoy the rest of your weekend. I’m going to go and watch a movie and then possibly eat my own weight in cheeseburgers. Until next time, don’t forget to change your funny Facebook statuses at least three times a day!

Now, when I post, people listen! I’ve noticed that since I started thinking about what I write (and posting funnier and more hilarious Facebook status updates) my friends have suddenly become more talkative – they ‘like’ my statuses very often (and comment on them), which means that the next time they log on they see more info from my home feed! That’s good news for me, and it means I can stay in touch with more of my Facebook friends!

So, what golden nuggets do I have on this Saturday evening? I decided to pick some great Facebook status quotes which you can use as your own – and which I can guarantee will have a lasting effect on your online popularity! Either that, or will make a few people chuckle at your wit and humour. Either way, everyone’s happy!

Funny Facebook statuses

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 1 – Practice what your preach!

Example: Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

I used to have a doctor, and he said that you should never put anything smaller than your elbow into your ear to clean it. I think he was joking, but he did have the hairiest ears I’d ever seen, so I’m not sure. It was a case of practising what you preach, and I believe almost 100% in it! I used to work as an editor in a magazine, and there is nothing more frustrating than not proofreading correctly – and there’s nothing funnier (or should that be punnier?) than putting a mistake in your Facebook status and making people laugh about it!

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 2 – The truer the better

Example: A fool and his money are soon partying.

Sadly, this clever Facebook status is a perfect representation of my life. As soon as my paycheck hits my account, it’s already spent on rent, bills, clothes, alcohol…but that’s nothing that a witty Facebook status can’t fix! Playing on the old phrase ‘a fool and his money are soon parted’, this classic Facebook quote is great for reminding people that we’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 3 – Clever or die!

Example: A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Ok so this might be a really witty Facebook status update or it might be a complete failure – it really depends on your target audience. I wrote this on the notice board of my office the other day, and more than 50% of the staff said either ‘what does that mean?’ or ‘I don’t get it’. That’s ok though, because you can just sit in the moral majority and smile smugly as you work out who your intelligent friends are and who the dunces are…it won’t be hard!

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 4 – Make ‘em laugh!

Example: I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Final status, final pun – it’s direct, it’s funny and it’s one that needs repeating 100 times! I think that I might do a whole series on this type of pun – the double meaning, one-liner jokes which fit perfectly into the category of funny Facebook status! I have a colleague at work who does nothing but try to fit this type of witty one-liner into his everyday speech, but unfortunately he always leaves slightly too much of a time-gap before he says anything…so everyone knows he’s about to drop a joke! Well, you don’t need to be so obvious! Paste it today!

Well, that’s all for this Saturday night – I know that the ‘FB generation’ don’t really spend too much time online over the weekend, so I look forward to you visiting next week and trying to fill your time with thinking up more funny Facebook statuses!

This list of the funniest Facebook statuses consists mainly of puns – a play on words which makes people think one thing but actually it means quite the opposite. Puns play a huge role in comedy on TV (well the type of comedy I like) and when you see these little snippets in people’s Facebook status message it always makes you laugh! Check them out:

What are the funniest Facebook statuses of all time?

Funniest status update 1 – Naughty but nice

Example: I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

I obviously can’t comment on the truth behind this statement, but it’s always funny to see a logic flaw mixed in with something a little naughty or racy! It’s much more interesting and fun to make someone laugh with your funny Facebook status than be completely direct and crude.

Funniest status update 2 – Keep it really mixed

Example: A closed mouth gathers no foot.

I didn’t study English at University (or at any point in my life past kindergarten), so I do not profess myself to be some kind of grammatical expert…however Facebook (and especially status messages) are the reason behind more people using mixed metaphors than ever before. I realize that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to who invented the idioms and sayings of the world, but every day it seems another user massacres the English language in a way that should never be allowed. This example takes their idiocy and highlights it – and makes a funny point too!

Funniest status update 3 – Naughty but naughty (well, not really!)

Example: Chastity is curable, if detected early.

This funny Facebook status reminds me of my days at High School, when we would try to trick people into saying something foolish and then laugh at them. I didn’t have many friends, as you can probably guess. Anyway, it’s a funny joke – and naughty Facebook statuses always get a lot of ‘likes’ and comments, so go for it!

Funniest status update 4 – Dirty tricks

Example: I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

This sort of joke leaves little room for imagination, although the three seconds it takes for people to work it out will mean that you can gloat (for a very limited period). It conjures up images of a fat, old mechanic in a redneck US town, making excuses for his shoddy work. Well it does to me, anyway.

Funniest status update 5 – Show your flaws!

Example: There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

The unfortunate truth about this is that I am one of the people in the third group. For real. If logic flaws make a good Facebook message, then this one is their king. I’ve seen this so many times that I’m starting to try to keep count of them just so that I can make a new website devoted to this Facebook status’s followers. We’ll see how it pans out.

Ok well, there are some of the greatest Facebook statuses of all time! As I said before, sometimes people ask me what is my favorite status of all time, and I tell them that one day I will reveal all – but suffice to say that it is not on this page (although these ones are all brilliant). I hope you enjoyed them anyway, and I look forward to you returning soon for more update message goodness! Don’t forget to add yourself to our RSS feed followers or leave a comment with your favourite Facebook statuses (and what you think should be included in the next list of the greatest Facebook statuses of all time!).

A great philosopher (and good friend of mine) once said:

Small people talk about themselves, People talk about other people, Big people talk about ideas

…and this idea holds true for clever Facebook status updates. I have a lot of friends on Facebook, and the majority of them either don’t update their status themselves, or write about the deadliest of boring subjects. But the other 5% are the the ones with lots of ideas for Facebook status updates. These are the people who I follow closely.

Clever Facebook status

What type of person puts quotes by philosophers in their status update?

I would say the biggest demographic would be students, but there are also a number of ‘free thinkers’ who like to put thoughtful messages there too. I know a Doctor who specialises in treating Mesothelioma (a strange type of cancer) who puts a different quote from a different philosopher in his status every morning before work – now that’s dedication!

What are some examples of clever Facebook statuses?

Ok, let’s look at some examples of a clever Facebook status. They’re not complicated, but they can get quite deep – so I’m going to guide you through them. Get ready!

Clever Facebook status number 1: Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

At first, this one sounds like it doesn’t make sense. If you’re seeking the truth, surely that means that you don’t really know what you’re talking about? Isn’t that some sort of strange paradox? And doubt people who know the truth already? Sounds weird. If this were a philosophy class, I think we could probably dissect this statement for hours, but in terms of a clever Facebook status I think it’s trying to tell us that perhaps those people who claim to know it all, probably are the ones that should not be trusted. Just like I just told you how to interpret this quote. So watch out for me!

Clever Facebook status number 2: I am a part of all that I have met.

This quote is quite beautiful, and it speaks to the heart of human nature. We can learn from everyone we meet, every person that comes into our lives can affect us and holds knowledge within them that we can learn from and improve from.

Clever Facebook status number 3: The obscure we see eventually.  The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.

This feels a little bit like the old phrase ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’, but it seems like in a witty Facebook status context it’s trying to let you know that sometimes what might be totally obvious and is sitting right next to you all along, is sometimes difficult to work out. I once had this problem with Mathematics in High School, so I can relate completely to what they’re saying.

Clever Facebook status number 4: If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

Ah, the luck of the Irish! I guess if you find the lucky four-leaf clover, and you think it’s a three-leaf (or five-leaf, I guess) then you’re probably not going to be able to channel your new-found good luck into anything productive anyway. If you use this as your clever Facebook status, you might also deal with the number of stupid people on your Facebook friends list replying ‘what’s a four-leaf clover?’.

Clever Facebook status number 5: When the student is ready, the master appears.

Finally, one of my favourite Facebook statuses and what I think is a really good way to motivate people on all sorts of social networking sites. A lot of people have issues with enthusiasm in their work, especially motivation to get stuff done and not procrastinate. Ok, perhaps they shouldn’t be surfing on Facebook if they have trouble procrastinating, but still… So, when they read this message – that preparation is the key to finding the right path and to establishing a successful life – they will take it in their stride and run with it.

Ok, so the task was to find some clever Facebook statuses, and we did that. These ones will get you started, and I’ll be posting more and more as the days and weeks go on, so stay tuned! If you want to know which one I think is the best one…well…log on to read my clever Facebook status!