Funny New Year's resolutions

This year my new year’s resolution is to try to update my blogs more often, and not to ramble as much. Ok, the rambling doesn’t seem to have stopped yet (blame my keyboard for that…it’s just SO COMFORTABLE)…but at least the rambling does mean that I’m updating the blogs, right?!

If you find any more good Facebook status updates, then please, please send them to me. I get a big kick out of seeing which update messages get people busy with the ‘like’ and comments buttons. I also hope that this is the year that Facebook emoticons become usable in wall posts and in comments. I think smileys for Facebook have become my number one favourite thing in the world when I log on (other than the status updates, of course!).

So anyway, let’s get to the funny Facebook status updates – I thought since I missed the start of a new year (and a new decade), why not put some amusing New Year’s resolutions for you to check out?

Funny New Year’s resolutions

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
- Nobody should be punished for doing something that they love!

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
- Nature first, let’s save the environment together!

I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own).
- Many a true word spoken in jest!

I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.
- To be honest, this is true. The fact is that I know I’ll never find it (until we throw away the sofa).

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
- Like you’ve never done that.

I will think of a password for my computer other than “password.”
- I’m thinking of 123abc – what do you reckon? Secure?

I will find out why the correspondence course on “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.
- I hate those scams on TV (but I can’t help buying from them)!

I will try to figure out why I “really” need 11 e-mail addresses and 6 blogs.
Maybe I should cut down to 5 and 5?

If you use these ones in your Facebook status, let us know if you have any success with people clicking ‘like’ or comments!

Now, when I post, people listen! I’ve noticed that since I started thinking about what I write (and posting funnier and more hilarious Facebook status updates) my friends have suddenly become more talkative – they ‘like’ my statuses very often (and comment on them), which means that the next time they log on they see more info from my home feed! That’s good news for me, and it means I can stay in touch with more of my Facebook friends!

So, what golden nuggets do I have on this Saturday evening? I decided to pick some great Facebook status quotes which you can use as your own – and which I can guarantee will have a lasting effect on your online popularity! Either that, or will make a few people chuckle at your wit and humour. Either way, everyone’s happy!

Funny Facebook statuses

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 1 – Practice what your preach!

Example: Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

I used to have a doctor, and he said that you should never put anything smaller than your elbow into your ear to clean it. I think he was joking, but he did have the hairiest ears I’d ever seen, so I’m not sure. It was a case of practising what you preach, and I believe almost 100% in it! I used to work as an editor in a magazine, and there is nothing more frustrating than not proofreading correctly – and there’s nothing funnier (or should that be punnier?) than putting a mistake in your Facebook status and making people laugh about it!

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 2 – The truer the better

Example: A fool and his money are soon partying.

Sadly, this clever Facebook status is a perfect representation of my life. As soon as my paycheck hits my account, it’s already spent on rent, bills, clothes, alcohol…but that’s nothing that a witty Facebook status can’t fix! Playing on the old phrase ‘a fool and his money are soon parted’, this classic Facebook quote is great for reminding people that we’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 3 – Clever or die!

Example: A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Ok so this might be a really witty Facebook status update or it might be a complete failure – it really depends on your target audience. I wrote this on the notice board of my office the other day, and more than 50% of the staff said either ‘what does that mean?’ or ‘I don’t get it’. That’s ok though, because you can just sit in the moral majority and smile smugly as you work out who your intelligent friends are and who the dunces are…it won’t be hard!

Saturday’s funny Facebook status – Number 4 – Make ‘em laugh!

Example: I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Final status, final pun – it’s direct, it’s funny and it’s one that needs repeating 100 times! I think that I might do a whole series on this type of pun – the double meaning, one-liner jokes which fit perfectly into the category of funny Facebook status! I have a colleague at work who does nothing but try to fit this type of witty one-liner into his everyday speech, but unfortunately he always leaves slightly too much of a time-gap before he says anything…so everyone knows he’s about to drop a joke! Well, you don’t need to be so obvious! Paste it today!

Well, that’s all for this Saturday night – I know that the ‘FB generation’ don’t really spend too much time online over the weekend, so I look forward to you visiting next week and trying to fill your time with thinking up more funny Facebook statuses!